Julian Tavarez is baseball player. After six months on the shelf, veteran pitcher Julian Tavarez signed a minor-League contract with the Washington Nationals last week. When asked about his decision, he gave this totally awesome moves:
"Why did I sign with the Nationals? When you go to a club at four in the morning, and just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounds look like J. Lo. And for me, this is Jennifer Lopez here. There are four in the morning. For much to drink. So Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me. "
Now Julian, I'm trying to think of a way to put this delicately, and it is not one. So let me get right to the heart of it: Have you seen your face? You are not attractive. Maybe not on the Ezekial Astacio level, but you are ugly wide League. You do not take home a J. Lo unless there are four in the morning, and she is just there waiting, waiting, and she had too much to drink. Are you picking up what I do down here, boss?
So here is what we've found: You are ugly, angry, marginally talented, and very willing to offend the team that drew you from the garbage heap. It is not a resume that gets you into the Hall of Fame, Julian, but you are a solid candidate for the JSF Tool.
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